You do not have an 8 inch penis.

I am sick of hearing stupid girls go on about how big their boyfriends dicks are when all they have to compare it to is porn and the 2-3 guys (girls that have been with more dudes than that know better) they've fucked. Before you ask, I have more than 2-3 dicks and porn to compare it to. Har har har. I'm also sick of every guy on the internet saying he has an 8 inch dick. I don't think they tell people that out of pure narcissism, moreso that they don't know how to measure their penises. I'm going to clear this up once and for all.

If you measure your penis from the side, you get two extra inches cause there's a little valley between your crotch and thigh. This is the wrong way to measure your penis:

Not 8 inches


The correct way would be to press it directly over your penis into your pelvis, where there's no valley, so it gives you no extra length. This is the correct way to measure your penis:

Still not 8 inches

See, and you're really not even 5 inches long. Pathetic.

If you still think you/your boyfriend has an 8 inch penis after reading this, This is an 8 inch penis:

actually, it's an 8 inch dildo

Good day, pussycakes.

Internet obligations need to be fulfilled

Marlon Brando reputedly suggested that his cameo role as Jor-El in Superman (1978) be done by him in voiceover only, with the character's image onscreen being a glowing, levitating green bagel. The film's producers formally rejected the suggestion.